Patently Silly: Penile Volumetric Measuring Device

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Penis size: For too long (puns are inevitable when discussing the subject), it has escaped the rigorous analysis of modern science and has been left prone to self-serving exaggeration. Thankfully, one fearless inventor has arrived to clear the field of biased pseudoscience:

"Throughout history, there has been discussion and focus on the human male sex organ. Generally, having a large penis is seen as more masculine and manly than having a small penis. Well-endowed male pornography stars are looked at by many with admiration and envy due to the size of their penis."

Patently Silly: No-Crap Craps: Crapless Craps Done Right

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Wheel out the guillotine, 'cause this game's getting decrapitated. Merdé she wrote!

Finally, someone's done it right! Let me tell you, crapless craps done wrong, is, well, just plain crappy. I'm not much of a gambling man, but something tells me if you take the crap out of craps, you don't have much left (thanks, high-fiber diet).

Besides having the crappiest name for a patent I've ever seen, I've come to learn that this is the latest in a series of attempts to cut the crap from the popular dice game. "Craps" refers to a losing result (a 2, 3, or 12) on your very first roll of the dice, known as the "come out". As we all know, there's nothing worse than for craps to come out when you're trying to impress your date at the high roller's table.

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Patently Silly: Penile Volumetric Measuring Device

Patently Silly: No-Crap Craps: Crapless Craps Done Right